Tau Ceti HQ

A Danish prime minister once said, "You have a standpoint until you take a new one."

So, at this juncture, I have to make an amendment to my rant about Lost. It's not a complete retraction, far from it. Basically, I stand by everything I said, although.... You see, I gave up on the show after watching the two first seasons, but then the other day, I thought I'd give it another go. And it's not that I think I'll be watching the third season on the strength of its first episode, but I will say this:

They sold me on Jack. I would have never thought it possible.



I am Jack's potential suddenly being fulfilled. What a gorgeous surprise that was.

Juliet, she tamed him like you would a wild animal. She saw his stubborn streak, and she broke him. With the Tough Love touch, no less. *maniacal snicker* And Jack? In a roundabout way, he needed and deserved that. And me? I very nearly came in my pants enjoyed that excessively. Whether it was a good plot or not, I really couldn't say. It may well be complete drivel, but I'm too busy being turned on by it to analyse it any further. I'm convinced the screenwriters behind that episode have read my diary.

So now, Jack is hot. He wasn't before, but he is now. Them pretty tears look fantastic on you, boy! 

I have a few questions for myself and the thousands of other female slash writers out there concerning themselves with male protagonists:

When you write about some delicious guy - maybe even in the 1st person perspective - do you ever think about what it really is that turns you (and your readers) on? What is your fantasy really? Is it to go to bed with the guy? Or is it - I suggest to you - to be the guy?

And what is it really, the attraction of m/m slash? Isn't it the writer - and the reader - fantasizing about being an attractive man, having sex? And because the writer is female and (more often than not) het herself, the sexual partner is imagined to be male.

If I'm right, what does that make us? Transsexuals? Do we secretly want to be men? I think it's more complicated than that. I think we want to be the kind of person that we ourselves find attractive. Because we want to feel attractive. Because we need to be in control of the desired male body. That makes us something like narcissists, I think.

I see fanfic writing as a kind of role playing: we put ourselves in the place of someone we like. Why? And when we're drooling over somebody on the screen, shouting "I want your body!!" - do we mean, "I want to go to bed with you" or "I want to take over your body"? Because there's a hell of a difference, don't you think?

Of course, there's no reason why we couldn't want both. I just find it really interesting that so much fanfic is written from the perspective of the guy that the writer fancies. Or lusts after, drools over, goes 'squeeeee' about or whatever you wanna call it. Like she wants to be him.

I know I sometimes envy the actors that get to play the characters I find attractive. I actually envy them. And I get really pissed off when they don't do the things I would have done, given the opportunity. I mean, if I were Krycek, right, I would definitely have kissed Mulder on the lips instead of that little peck on the cheek. Yeah. I would have snogged him within an inch of his life. And not just because it would be nice to kiss Mulder. Also - and more importantly - because it would have been a sexy look on Krycek to kiss Mulder.

It was Robert Smith who wrote the lyrics, "Why Can't I Be You?" I can so relate to that.

It certainly throws a new light on the concept of possession. So, when you're possessed by someone - or into them, get the picture? - it may be that it really is some kind of wished-for symbiosis.

Or maybe I'm just a sick weirdo. ;)