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the_prodigalWhat do the two shows Jericho and Lost have in common? The "what happens with a society after a catastrophe" issue, you say? Well, yes and no.
Promotion stills for the two shows are practically identical. That's just the way one does promotion photography, it seems. There is no other way. You line up the cast like action figures with a backdrop that's either the town of Jericho or the beach of the island, depending on where it is you're saying that these characters are going to discover what it's like losing everything that we take for granted in our civilization -- well, everything apart from conditioner, body lotion, make-up, nail polish, corrective lenses, hair dryers, and lady shavers, apparently.
And the cast -- oh, the cast. We are going to need a male protagonist -- yes, male, I cannot stress this enough -- who will be the reluctant hero. Jack/Jake will be his name. He'll have father issues and need to finally get that pat on the back from the old man, who is then going to croak so that sonny can rise as the great leader he was destined to be.
There should be a number of potential romantic interests for Jake/Jack. Because we wouldn't want him to choose too soon, we should make sure that the majority of womenfolk of the town/island are in their mid twenties, models or at least model material, and have different hair colours and/or -styles, so we can tell them apart.
Something similar goes for the casting of the men, of course. After all, women, too, watch television and boost ratings. Jack/Jake should obviously be tall and dark, but there should also be other kinds of eye candy for the lady audience. Oh, and by the way: not all the men need to be clippings from a calendar, because the female viewers have other criteria for attraction than looks. Yeah, they're ever so complex, women are! They also like:
1) a character on whom they can practice their uncanny skills of projection! A bit like a pony, only with fewer legs.
2) a man with big strong (sugar)daddy traits to reassure them that he's the kind of guy that's able to provide (and decide) for his mate.
3) a boy-man who is more of a lost li'l puppy than a macho man. Someone to appeal to their nurturing instincts.
Kind of like a boy band, you know. Something for all tastes. Except the good ones.
To conclude our recommendations for the casting of actors, you can pretty much make the women viewers fall for anything. As long as they see men on the big screen, they'll find them attractive, even if they would have passed the same men without looking at them twice in the street. It's all right if the average age of the men is about five or ten years higher than that of the women. The male audience is a little more discerning. So we should make sure there are no ugly bitches.
As for the writing, sod that. We don't have to have a plot that's going anywhere, we'll just wing it. Throw in a bit of religious orthodoxy and some New Age for whoever likes that kind of crap. And let's make sure it has the appearance of being politically correct. We'll fool those cunts, niggers and the towel-headed camel jockeys into believing that we respect them, yet!
OK, that last part was a tiny bit harsh. But you know what? I am sick of having to sit through hour after hour of gentle and loving indoctrination to persuade me that "behind every great man there's a great woman" -- Mr. and Mrs. Johnston Green, I'm looking at you! And I'm sick of watching the same old stereotypes being slapped onto any person of other-than-Western descent. So the Koreans and the Iraqis - they're the ones with the inequality issues who need to learn a little women's lib 'n' some humanitarian values? How about we try and dig that fucking log -- shit, maybe the whole cabin -- out of our own eyes, first?
And people, people! I have never seen so many skinny Americans in one place before! Except maybe in all the other television series, that is. I mean, fuck me, these things are cast exactly like you would a porno! Any normal looking people are extras; there to make the important part of the cast look even better by comparison.
In the case of Lost, it does seem that realism may have dictated that there be one token fat guy, but all superfluous body fat on the island is, then, on him.
Sadly, realism doesn't dictate much else. You know, if I were Jack and had a whole plane-ful of survivors to lead, I really don't think I would find the time, nor the batteries, to keep my hair or my beard trimmed like that for months on end. And American tv stations, well, they are just not ready to admit that women have hair growing in their armpits and on their legs. Yes. They bloody well do. And I don't know how you pack when you're going somewhere, but I usually don't bring enough shampoo and shaving gear to last me another couple of years, just in case, whenever I go on vacation for a week.
Lost was the bigger hit, for the simple reason that Jericho was the better show. Not that the latter avoided nearly as many pitfalls as it should have. Both shows were, at least potentially, about -- yes, what the hell was it you wanted to say, anyway? Something about where society goes when... yadda, yadda... No, you're going to have to speak up, because I can't hear you through all the goddamn embellishment! I want to drown out all the bullshit in gallons of vomit. You lying motherfuckers.
Sorry if I insulted fans of these shows. Hey - I do actually watch them myself. It just sometimes drives me up the wall, the cynicism with which producers assume that they have us all pegged. And all of this prettying things up to such a ridiculous degree, when the shows would be so much more powerful without it.
Promotion stills for the two shows are practically identical. That's just the way one does promotion photography, it seems. There is no other way. You line up the cast like action figures with a backdrop that's either the town of Jericho or the beach of the island, depending on where it is you're saying that these characters are going to discover what it's like losing everything that we take for granted in our civilization -- well, everything apart from conditioner, body lotion, make-up, nail polish, corrective lenses, hair dryers, and lady shavers, apparently.
And the cast -- oh, the cast. We are going to need a male protagonist -- yes, male, I cannot stress this enough -- who will be the reluctant hero. Jack/Jake will be his name. He'll have father issues and need to finally get that pat on the back from the old man, who is then going to croak so that sonny can rise as the great leader he was destined to be.
There should be a number of potential romantic interests for Jake/Jack. Because we wouldn't want him to choose too soon, we should make sure that the majority of womenfolk of the town/island are in their mid twenties, models or at least model material, and have different hair colours and/or -styles, so we can tell them apart.
Something similar goes for the casting of the men, of course. After all, women, too, watch television and boost ratings. Jack/Jake should obviously be tall and dark, but there should also be other kinds of eye candy for the lady audience. Oh, and by the way: not all the men need to be clippings from a calendar, because the female viewers have other criteria for attraction than looks. Yeah, they're ever so complex, women are! They also like:
1) a character on whom they can practice their uncanny skills of projection! A bit like a pony, only with fewer legs.
2) a man with big strong (sugar)daddy traits to reassure them that he's the kind of guy that's able to provide (and decide) for his mate.
3) a boy-man who is more of a lost li'l puppy than a macho man. Someone to appeal to their nurturing instincts.
Kind of like a boy band, you know. Something for all tastes. Except the good ones.
To conclude our recommendations for the casting of actors, you can pretty much make the women viewers fall for anything. As long as they see men on the big screen, they'll find them attractive, even if they would have passed the same men without looking at them twice in the street. It's all right if the average age of the men is about five or ten years higher than that of the women. The male audience is a little more discerning. So we should make sure there are no ugly bitches.
As for the writing, sod that. We don't have to have a plot that's going anywhere, we'll just wing it. Throw in a bit of religious orthodoxy and some New Age for whoever likes that kind of crap. And let's make sure it has the appearance of being politically correct. We'll fool those cunts, niggers and the towel-headed camel jockeys into believing that we respect them, yet!
OK, that last part was a tiny bit harsh. But you know what? I am sick of having to sit through hour after hour of gentle and loving indoctrination to persuade me that "behind every great man there's a great woman" -- Mr. and Mrs. Johnston Green, I'm looking at you! And I'm sick of watching the same old stereotypes being slapped onto any person of other-than-Western descent. So the Koreans and the Iraqis - they're the ones with the inequality issues who need to learn a little women's lib 'n' some humanitarian values? How about we try and dig that fucking log -- shit, maybe the whole cabin -- out of our own eyes, first?
And people, people! I have never seen so many skinny Americans in one place before! Except maybe in all the other television series, that is. I mean, fuck me, these things are cast exactly like you would a porno! Any normal looking people are extras; there to make the important part of the cast look even better by comparison.
In the case of Lost, it does seem that realism may have dictated that there be one token fat guy, but all superfluous body fat on the island is, then, on him.
Sadly, realism doesn't dictate much else. You know, if I were Jack and had a whole plane-ful of survivors to lead, I really don't think I would find the time, nor the batteries, to keep my hair or my beard trimmed like that for months on end. And American tv stations, well, they are just not ready to admit that women have hair growing in their armpits and on their legs. Yes. They bloody well do. And I don't know how you pack when you're going somewhere, but I usually don't bring enough shampoo and shaving gear to last me another couple of years, just in case, whenever I go on vacation for a week.
Lost was the bigger hit, for the simple reason that Jericho was the better show. Not that the latter avoided nearly as many pitfalls as it should have. Both shows were, at least potentially, about -- yes, what the hell was it you wanted to say, anyway? Something about where society goes when... yadda, yadda... No, you're going to have to speak up, because I can't hear you through all the goddamn embellishment! I want to drown out all the bullshit in gallons of vomit. You lying motherfuckers.
Sorry if I insulted fans of these shows. Hey - I do actually watch them myself. It just sometimes drives me up the wall, the cynicism with which producers assume that they have us all pegged. And all of this prettying things up to such a ridiculous degree, when the shows would be so much more powerful without it.
