As we all know, only men can get Mpreggers. That’s why I left all contraception to my boyfriend in my last relationship even though I was certain I never wanted kids and knew that he did, and even though I did insist on having the exact kind of sex that can lead to Mpregnancy. He said he was on the Mpill, so that ought to be alright, right?
I know the only completely reliable form of contraception is to avoid that particular kind of sex, but you know... leaving my deposit in his uterass was enjoyable, so I thought what the heck.
I could have chosen to get my tubes tied – with vasectomies there is only a 0.025% chance of failure – but I couldn't be bothered. And condoms weren’t an option because they’re such a mood killer.
After I left my boyfriend, we haven’t had much contact, so in principle my ex could have had a kid by me without my knowing. For a while I thought that I would have no right to complain even if he did, because I was of the mistaken impression that I had to be responsible for my own actions. It is only now, years later, that I realise - thanks to the good folks commenting on this post
- that in all this time, I may unknowingly have been the victim of egregious abuse!
If my ex was indeed knocked up by me without my consent, I can totally sue him and take the kid away from him, because no one should be allowed to be a parent if they’re abusive enough to keep someone’s gunk deposit against their will!
So what if I passed on a lot of contraceptive options myself?
So what if he takes care of the whole gestation process?
So what if I don’t have to spend time with the offspring?
I still have a right to decide that I don’t want to be a biological mother, goddammit, AND that I want to have risky sex anyway, AND that I want to leave contraception to my partner. That is my right as a woman!
Thank you, fanficrants
, for bringing it to my attention that I don’t have to put up with those masculine wiles that men always come up with to trap women.
PS: I bet he totally abused me by having my kid while I was on skiing holiday! Wouldn’t that be just like a man?